Title: How Lucifer fell in love with Luceil
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/19632/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/
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Title: 4/5
It's straight to the point. However, you're saying it as if there was only one Lucifer and Luceil. When, actually you're writing about five different ones each. It should be 'How the Lucifers fell in love with the Luceils'.
Poster/Background: 10/10
I can see why you titled the fanfic this. The images of SHINee from the Ring Ding Dong mv really matches their characters. I don't really understand why there's a girl that is separate from the 'Luceils' and is an Angel. What is her part in the fanfic? Or, is she for later on?
Plot: 13/15
Overall, the plot seems a bit overused lately. About the evil falling for good. Many fantasies are raising in tags. However, there's a difference between yours. Usually the boys are bad, but here the girls are. So, that's good. And, about the girl falling for one of the Luciels, but having to kill him possibly? Good twist!
Creativity/Originality: 12/15
Never heard of a 'Luciel' before. But many things such as 'the bad falling for good' is quite common. But how it slowly develops and with the twists, it works perfeclty well together. As well as that, it's an apply fic. Not many of those are around anymore :/.
Flow: 10/10
I guess its alright. Nothing spreading from one to another, jumping around and stuff ^^.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
[She just need to make a decision that she won't regret.]
should be; She just needed to make a decision that wouldn't regret.
[",,,,,,,,,,,,," - Miyoung]
This isn't really right. If you wanted to express this, it basically means that she wasn't talking, or maybe something else. This could confuse the readers. If you wanted to say that Miyoung wasn't speaking just put 'Miyoung paused' or if she was in shock, 'Miyoung was speechless'.
Characterization: 9/10
Since its an apply fic, you've got many different characters with different personalities. The SHINee characters are based on how we see them, not how they really are, since we may not know. And, because of the female characters having to have applied, it brings a wide variety of different people. However, SHINee seems to be quite popular lately. Try doing an un-common band, maybe even your own original characters! Just to give some originality.
Writing Style: 7/10
To be honest, [ "You should go rest... eat medicine, don't be sick, becareful on your way home." - Jonghyun] isn't really the proper way of presenting speech. Rather is should be, "You should go rest, eat medicine, don't be sick and be careful on your way home." Jonghyun reminded her.
I only chose one example, since this seems to be the way of how you present your speech. Though, probably you might understand, readers and I understand. But it isn't the proper way of doing speech.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I like the fanfic. Truly was a joy to review. I hope that you take on board what I suggested. Continue to write! The plot and originality of the fanfic is alright. Just work on grammar and speech ^^.
Sub-Total: 76/90
Extras: 2/5
Pretty poster! I really like it. The editing skills were good ^^. Nice plot, good twists and turns of events!
Total: 78/95
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I hoep you took on the suggestions! Good luck with your writing in the future!
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