Author: ICEDCOFFEE
Title: Insanely Sane
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ICEEE/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/
Title: 5/5
It has a good play on words that can attract a reader. It's unique, however some people use it but for different purposes (for love). Your choice of genre was different to the norm.
Poster/Background: 10/10
You can clearly see the character's personality with the poster. How their minds are damaged with the broken glass. The use of text effects is good too. As for the background, the image doesn't cause harm for the eyes. It is clear and can make the text be easily read.
Forewords: 10/10
Outstanding uses of quotes at the end; captivating the reader instantly. There is a good, detailed summary about the plot of where your oneshot is heading. There's barely and spelling or grammar mistakes that I could detect, it's simply flawless! It is by far really unique since I actually had goosebumps since I'm not a fan of this certain genre, but it is a very intriguing start!
Plot: 15/15
Your plot flows smoothly throughout the whole story. Nothing is sticking out, creating loose ends and such. You didn't try to rush anything; which some people tend to do when they're creating a oneshot. There isn't anything that's causing you to slow down either! Well done~! It is an original plot and I can barely see anything out of the ordinary. I'm pretty much repeating myself, but honestly? It's good. All twists flowed together to be unravelled at a latter part in the oneshot.
Creativity/Originality: 15/15
I don't see many 'insane' fanfics out there. They're all focusing on common themes such as rom-com and dark romance. I also find it unique how you made the ending sad but happy. There was a twist in that way. With the way on how you worded human ignorance seemed like a wake-up call. As well as being an original piece of fiction, there can be some sort of truth in the words you've put together. Really well put, makes the reader question what they believe in. I believe only good authors are able to accomplish that!
Flow: 10/10
The twists untangled themselves at the end. The speed wasn't too fast. And I repeat again, people writing oneshots usually speed up how they write. Though with your pace it was well balanced.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
Everything is great, but just one time that is really minor. I can't see any errors but this. And that is that instead of using '1' you should write it out as a word 'one'. Yes, that may be slightly picky. However, that's what I learned in English so I supposed that's how it goes. Everything else? Great. Your tenses are in the right place, as was the vocabulary you used! ^^
Characterization: 8/10
I have nothing against Kim Jaejoong, but I find that he's slightly overrated regarding fanfic main male characters. I would say try using other men out there for a future fanfic who isn't in the limelight as much. Of course this may lessen the popularity of your story. But it's worth a shot~! As well as the main original character. Thank you. Lots of people are using the 'reader' as one of the characters. Sure that may be great for the reader. However, it isn't proper English grammar. You've managed to create your own character, moulding her into what you want her to be.
Writing Style: 10/10
Your style is easily read. Nothing that can make my eyes twitch whatsoever.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
1 point: It's my first experience reading this sort of genre. I must admit, when I first saw your forewords I was worried that I would not be able to sleep. But as I read onward... I realized the true meaning of what you were trying to get across.
1 point: Your writing style is really advanced. I wish all writers could write as detailed as you can. But that wouldn't create originality!
1 point: It was a REALLY good read. I enjoyed every bit of it.
1 point: The epilogue for Jaejoong was a really good way of showing how both characters loved each other, but didn't get the chance.
1 point: Really good graphics and the unique genre that you used. I barely see it come up.
Sub-Total: 98/100
(WELL DONE!)
Extras: 5/5
**I feel like I've been really generous! But your story was really great! I loved every bit of it!!
Total: 103/105
Showing posts with label Review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Review. Show all posts
Friday, 20 January 2012
Thursday, 30 June 2011
Tell me goodbye [REVIEW]
Author: Cheese_ohmyx!
Title: Tell Me Goodbye
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Cheese_ohmyx/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/
----------------------------------------
Title: 5/5
A title I haven’t come across before. It also fits in with the plot!
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster colours fits in with the title and the concept used are also linked with the plot in your storyline. The background is also fitting into the theme; however you could have used a quote, or image or even the same poster which would make the final score for this section of marking.
Forewords: 8.5/10
The forewords tell us many things, but possibly too many things. Also, the names almost confused me because you had left a comma in between their last name and first name. It’s always good to try and describe it by using rhetorical questions.
So instead of;
‘Kwon, Jiyong(G-Dragon) had this perfect life, with this perfect girl. He had the house and the money and cars. He had the voice and the dance moves. But one day the love of his life was taken away from him by the notorious mafia leader Choi, Seung-Hyun(T.O.P). T.O.P called him as soon as his guys (Kang, DaeSung, & Kim, Hyung-jun) came in and took Park, Su-min away from G-Dragon. He teased G-Dragon in a way before threatening him and then hangs up.’
Try;
Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon) has the perfect life, with a perfect girl. He has the house, the money and the cars. He has the voice and the dance moves. However, what happens when that one perfect girl - the love of his life - is taken away from him from the notorious mafia leader Choi Seung-Hyun (T.O.P)? As soon as his guys, (Kang Daesung and Kim Hyung-Jun) come in take Park Su-Min away from G-Dragon, signals of dangers aim his way. Once taken away, only more torment has to be taken by G-Dragon as T.O.P constantly plays with his mind in a way before threatening him and hanging up.
Plot: 10/15
The plot fits the forewords well and accurately, also giving extended happenings in many chapters to give off a more interesting read. Although, I really was expecting a lot of things in your storyline to happen because of the mafia group, it happens a lot in other storylines. One thing you could’ve done was that you could’ve made the mafia working for an extraordinary reason. Possibly if Taeyang was the person who killed T.O.P’s father, and he felt like getting revenge so in the end, he uses money as an excuse and kidnaps Taeyang’s best friend’s (G-Dragon) girlfriend and never lets her go – because he can’t have his father back. Then G-Dragon would feel betrayed and angry wouldn’t he? And then you could carry on with more twists evolving. I never thought that there would be one nice person in the group who is only being used by the leader to get what he wants though – I didn’t expect him to like the leader’s sister either! Or have a detective with surrounding problems of his own.
Creativity/Originality: 10 /15
I must say, there are lots of fanfics where someone is put under pressure because of a Mafia gang. Along with that, there’s almost rarely someone who works for the leader that manages to fall in love with the girl who belongs to their enemy and it’s rare to find a detective to get involved with this sort of situation so I have given a 10 out of the15 points available.
Flow: 10 /10
The plot isn’t going too fast or too slow and you don’t miss any unimportant bits out so well done on this.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
You kept forgetting your punctuation mark. In many speeches, you had left a lot of questions without a question mark;
“Am I not your best friend.” he answered me with a question.
This should be;
“Am I not your best friend?” he answered me with another question.
You should also be aware that you should never put a capital word in a word in the middle of a sentence when it isn’t a name, place of object.
“You Can’t answer my question with another question” I said laughing slightly, then smiling. We gave each other that ‘man’ hug.
‘Can’t’ should be ‘can’t’.
“Daesung! Their home, lets get out of here.” Hyung-Jun yelled. I looked at him, I dropped the empty picture frame on the ground and the glass broke.
In this sentence, there is a big mistake but you shouldn’t worry too much because many people get this grammar vocabulary wrong. There is a difference in there, their and they’re. ‘There’ is when you address a location. For eg. There is the library. ‘Their’ is when it’s in possession of more than one person. Eg. Their hats are blue. The sentence above should’ve been;
“Daesung! They’re home, let’s get out of here.”
The reason is because ‘they’re’ is the same as ‘they are’, only the ‘a’ is replaced with a comma.
However, I’ve realised you’ve improved your spellings very well in the rest of the fanfic which made me feel like I should add another point for improving without help!
Characterization: 9/10
From the Forewords, you have told me a very accurate and clear personality of everyone and if their personality wasn’t there, it was later found out in the story judging on their speeches and actions. But I would’ve preferred a more detailed version of every character so I know what they’re all like and it could’ve possibly taken my attention more if more was written.
Writing Style: 9/10
The format is set out well and you know where to start a new paragraph. You also leave lines when a new person speaks so it’s clear for us to understand who is talking. I’ve preferred if you had left a space when you’re describing a new character. But in conclusion, I felt that it was easy and clear to read your chapters because of the way you laid it out so well done!
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I enjoyed the storyline, although I have read a huge number of fanfics that have to do with mafias and a guy falling in love with their supposed-to-be enemy’s girlfriend. There was a lot of tension and I hope you don’t feel too down once reading this review because I really did enjoy reading it!
Sub-Total: 81/100
Extras: 5/5
- I’m a VIP and I love fanfics that feature BIGBANG so one mark for that.
- I like that SeungRi isn’t part of the gang or part of G-Dragon’s life – he was simply the detective which is different compared to other fanfics xD
- I just want to be generous because it’s delayed! :)
- I enjoyed reading most of it.
- It’s sad to know Daesung is only being used because of his family background but he is so generous even though nothing goes right for him! An original character! :)
Total: 86/105
Title: Tell Me Goodbye
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Cheese_ohmyx/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/
----------------------------------------
Title: 5/5
A title I haven’t come across before. It also fits in with the plot!
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster colours fits in with the title and the concept used are also linked with the plot in your storyline. The background is also fitting into the theme; however you could have used a quote, or image or even the same poster which would make the final score for this section of marking.
Forewords: 8.5/10
The forewords tell us many things, but possibly too many things. Also, the names almost confused me because you had left a comma in between their last name and first name. It’s always good to try and describe it by using rhetorical questions.
So instead of;
‘Kwon, Jiyong(G-Dragon) had this perfect life, with this perfect girl. He had the house and the money and cars. He had the voice and the dance moves. But one day the love of his life was taken away from him by the notorious mafia leader Choi, Seung-Hyun(T.O.P). T.O.P called him as soon as his guys (Kang, DaeSung, & Kim, Hyung-jun) came in and took Park, Su-min away from G-Dragon. He teased G-Dragon in a way before threatening him and then hangs up.’
Try;
Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon) has the perfect life, with a perfect girl. He has the house, the money and the cars. He has the voice and the dance moves. However, what happens when that one perfect girl - the love of his life - is taken away from him from the notorious mafia leader Choi Seung-Hyun (T.O.P)? As soon as his guys, (Kang Daesung and Kim Hyung-Jun) come in take Park Su-Min away from G-Dragon, signals of dangers aim his way. Once taken away, only more torment has to be taken by G-Dragon as T.O.P constantly plays with his mind in a way before threatening him and hanging up.
Plot: 10/15
The plot fits the forewords well and accurately, also giving extended happenings in many chapters to give off a more interesting read. Although, I really was expecting a lot of things in your storyline to happen because of the mafia group, it happens a lot in other storylines. One thing you could’ve done was that you could’ve made the mafia working for an extraordinary reason. Possibly if Taeyang was the person who killed T.O.P’s father, and he felt like getting revenge so in the end, he uses money as an excuse and kidnaps Taeyang’s best friend’s (G-Dragon) girlfriend and never lets her go – because he can’t have his father back. Then G-Dragon would feel betrayed and angry wouldn’t he? And then you could carry on with more twists evolving. I never thought that there would be one nice person in the group who is only being used by the leader to get what he wants though – I didn’t expect him to like the leader’s sister either! Or have a detective with surrounding problems of his own.
Creativity/Originality: 10 /15
I must say, there are lots of fanfics where someone is put under pressure because of a Mafia gang. Along with that, there’s almost rarely someone who works for the leader that manages to fall in love with the girl who belongs to their enemy and it’s rare to find a detective to get involved with this sort of situation so I have given a 10 out of the15 points available.
Flow: 10 /10
The plot isn’t going too fast or too slow and you don’t miss any unimportant bits out so well done on this.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
You kept forgetting your punctuation mark. In many speeches, you had left a lot of questions without a question mark;
“Am I not your best friend.” he answered me with a question.
This should be;
“Am I not your best friend?” he answered me with another question.
You should also be aware that you should never put a capital word in a word in the middle of a sentence when it isn’t a name, place of object.
“You Can’t answer my question with another question” I said laughing slightly, then smiling. We gave each other that ‘man’ hug.
‘Can’t’ should be ‘can’t’.
“Daesung! Their home, lets get out of here.” Hyung-Jun yelled. I looked at him, I dropped the empty picture frame on the ground and the glass broke.
In this sentence, there is a big mistake but you shouldn’t worry too much because many people get this grammar vocabulary wrong. There is a difference in there, their and they’re. ‘There’ is when you address a location. For eg. There is the library. ‘Their’ is when it’s in possession of more than one person. Eg. Their hats are blue. The sentence above should’ve been;
“Daesung! They’re home, let’s get out of here.”
The reason is because ‘they’re’ is the same as ‘they are’, only the ‘a’ is replaced with a comma.
However, I’ve realised you’ve improved your spellings very well in the rest of the fanfic which made me feel like I should add another point for improving without help!
Characterization: 9/10
From the Forewords, you have told me a very accurate and clear personality of everyone and if their personality wasn’t there, it was later found out in the story judging on their speeches and actions. But I would’ve preferred a more detailed version of every character so I know what they’re all like and it could’ve possibly taken my attention more if more was written.
Writing Style: 9/10
The format is set out well and you know where to start a new paragraph. You also leave lines when a new person speaks so it’s clear for us to understand who is talking. I’ve preferred if you had left a space when you’re describing a new character. But in conclusion, I felt that it was easy and clear to read your chapters because of the way you laid it out so well done!
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I enjoyed the storyline, although I have read a huge number of fanfics that have to do with mafias and a guy falling in love with their supposed-to-be enemy’s girlfriend. There was a lot of tension and I hope you don’t feel too down once reading this review because I really did enjoy reading it!
Sub-Total: 81/100
Extras: 5/5
- I’m a VIP and I love fanfics that feature BIGBANG so one mark for that.
- I like that SeungRi isn’t part of the gang or part of G-Dragon’s life – he was simply the detective which is different compared to other fanfics xD
- I just want to be generous because it’s delayed! :)
- I enjoyed reading most of it.
- It’s sad to know Daesung is only being used because of his family background but he is so generous even though nothing goes right for him! An original character! :)
Total: 86/105
Saturday, 7 May 2011
U Kiss Kibum and You [REVIEW]
Title: U Kiss Kibum and You
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24332/u-kiss-kibum-and-you-kibum-ukiss
Reviewer: Stephie
Site requested from: http://3vanillalove3.blogspot.com
-------------------
Title: 2/5
It doesn't really seem to grab onto the reader. Something you could've done was put a quote or something. But to be honest, it seems pretty boring. The reader may know whose in the story from it, but that should be in the tags. What you could've put might've been "How I met Kibum"? Or something like that. Something that makes the reader intrigued and interested.
Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster is fuzzy, however even so, you can still see the U-Kiss members and Kibum. The title isn't a colour that clashes with the pictures. And the single quote is something that picks up the reader's curiosity.
Forewords: 10/15
Forewords are usually an introduction to the story. What you could've done was put some quotes, describe the characters and in a way that isn't too obvious tell the plot of the story - not straightforwardly like, "this story is about love between two characters" but something like, "Unkown love for a language." maybe.
Although, what you put in your forewords was very detailed and well put :)
Plot: 15/15
Your story isn't completed yet, so I'm not sure on how the story may flow or not. The plot seems unique since how it started off by her just getting a call and how things progressed from there. You've got good twists to change it from all the other stories about a girl living with idols, slowly falling in love with one of them.
Originality: 14/15
It's an original plot because of your twists, however I had to degrade just one point because it was a common 'girl-lives-with-boy-they-fall-in-love' plot. More twists and unexpected turns would definitely make it the full 15/15. Though, since it isn't finished there may be more to come which may make me want to take back my words XD!
Flow: 2/5
I feel that it is going to fast. How she had suddenly been taken from her home to go and live with U-Kiss. If you somehow made things slightly slower, the flow would be just right. It's like she was kidnapped. Of course if that was a real life situation the first thing when you're kidnapped is to call your parents or police - but THIS IS U-KISS! So, its an understanding that she didn't want to leave ^-^.
Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 8/10
Your grammar is good, and I suppose only a few typos are what make some of your spellings wrong. Try re-reading what you've typed so that you don't get any typos which may confuse the reader.
The thing is though, for speech you use (') this. (') is only used when someone is quoting something or if someone has thoughts - occasionally people may use (*) though. The proper way of using speech would be ("). Yes, you may have to press the shift key, and it may take longer, but it is the proper way of vocabulary. You may sometimes see it in books, and I don't know why it's like that, but the proper way is (').
Characterization: 10/10
Sadly, there aren't much U-Kiss fanfictions that are common. Sure, there are ones with U-Kiss featured as cameos and such, but not a lot of them as the main characters. As well as that, you didn't stick with ~~~~ / ------ as your 'reader' you actually gave it a name. Which may be confusing so it's good that you did 'Koral'.
Writing style: 10/10
You writing style is good. It's written as if the mind of the girl was always uncaring but when there's boys around may tend to get shy. (REALLY ACCURATE! XD!) I was easily able to understand what you meant to put and didn't wonder what you meant. So FULL MARKS TO YOU!~
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Honestly, I spazzed and giggled at your stories! I'm looking forward to your updates, and thanks for requesting @ Vanilla love!
Total: 91/105
Extra: 5/5
IT'S AN AWESOME FANFIC! I love the twists, and how you put together your words. If it was a comedy fanfic, you'd be awesome at it!
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24332/u-kiss-kibum-and-you-kibum-ukiss
Reviewer: Stephie
Site requested from: http://3vanillalove3.blogspot.com
-------------------
Title: 2/5
It doesn't really seem to grab onto the reader. Something you could've done was put a quote or something. But to be honest, it seems pretty boring. The reader may know whose in the story from it, but that should be in the tags. What you could've put might've been "How I met Kibum"? Or something like that. Something that makes the reader intrigued and interested.
Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster is fuzzy, however even so, you can still see the U-Kiss members and Kibum. The title isn't a colour that clashes with the pictures. And the single quote is something that picks up the reader's curiosity.
Forewords: 10/15
Forewords are usually an introduction to the story. What you could've done was put some quotes, describe the characters and in a way that isn't too obvious tell the plot of the story - not straightforwardly like, "this story is about love between two characters" but something like, "Unkown love for a language." maybe.
Although, what you put in your forewords was very detailed and well put :)
Plot: 15/15
Your story isn't completed yet, so I'm not sure on how the story may flow or not. The plot seems unique since how it started off by her just getting a call and how things progressed from there. You've got good twists to change it from all the other stories about a girl living with idols, slowly falling in love with one of them.
Originality: 14/15
It's an original plot because of your twists, however I had to degrade just one point because it was a common 'girl-lives-with-boy-they-fall-in-love' plot. More twists and unexpected turns would definitely make it the full 15/15. Though, since it isn't finished there may be more to come which may make me want to take back my words XD!
Flow: 2/5
I feel that it is going to fast. How she had suddenly been taken from her home to go and live with U-Kiss. If you somehow made things slightly slower, the flow would be just right. It's like she was kidnapped. Of course if that was a real life situation the first thing when you're kidnapped is to call your parents or police - but THIS IS U-KISS! So, its an understanding that she didn't want to leave ^-^.
Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 8/10
Your grammar is good, and I suppose only a few typos are what make some of your spellings wrong. Try re-reading what you've typed so that you don't get any typos which may confuse the reader.
The thing is though, for speech you use (') this. (') is only used when someone is quoting something or if someone has thoughts - occasionally people may use (*) though. The proper way of using speech would be ("). Yes, you may have to press the shift key, and it may take longer, but it is the proper way of vocabulary. You may sometimes see it in books, and I don't know why it's like that, but the proper way is (').
Characterization: 10/10
Sadly, there aren't much U-Kiss fanfictions that are common. Sure, there are ones with U-Kiss featured as cameos and such, but not a lot of them as the main characters. As well as that, you didn't stick with ~~~~ / ------ as your 'reader' you actually gave it a name. Which may be confusing so it's good that you did 'Koral'.
Writing style: 10/10
You writing style is good. It's written as if the mind of the girl was always uncaring but when there's boys around may tend to get shy. (REALLY ACCURATE! XD!) I was easily able to understand what you meant to put and didn't wonder what you meant. So FULL MARKS TO YOU!~
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Honestly, I spazzed and giggled at your stories! I'm looking forward to your updates, and thanks for requesting @ Vanilla love!
Total: 91/105
Extra: 5/5
IT'S AN AWESOME FANFIC! I love the twists, and how you put together your words. If it was a comedy fanfic, you'd be awesome at it!
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
I caught an... Angel
Author: [ Sung.ii.ee ]
Title: I caught an... Angel
Link:http://winglin.net/fanfic/ahngel/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/
Title: 5/5
It definitley sticks out from the rest of the other fanfics on winglin. Its captivates the reader, and makes them want to read it, curious to know what the story behind the title is.
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster and background matched the theme of the story a lot. The poster features many things relating to the fanfic itself. EG: an angel, the main girl, a boy with a camera, the main boy. And, a Christmas bauble, showing that its related to Christmas. As for the background, you chose a good picture to use. It wasn't difficult for anyone to read, and certainly matched the theme.
Forewords: 7/10
A fantastic prologue as to how the boys got through the rounds. It also doesn't give too much away about the characters, which will bring the reader to wanting to know more about them. I for one found that slightly annoying, since I wanted to know more, but thats a good thing. It got you to get the readers wanting to know more.
Plot: 15/15
There are many plots out there with fantasy in it. I guess this sort of has fantasy as a gennre. The plots of Angels just recently became popular, however, the twists you created in the fanfic were unexpected. They flowed together well, it wasn't all over the place, confusing the reader. Instead, you made things clear and easy for the reader to be able to understand.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Once again, I say that the Angels recently became popular, so I had to reduce a point. But, the originality of your plot was simply great. Sure, Angels are common, but not spirits - I think. The characters that you added was a mix, and you even made a fictional character instead of putting 'you' or '____-ah'. Which, is easier on your behalf and the reader's.
Flow: 10/10
Everything flowed together perfectly. It wasn't going to fast, and all of the problems in the story had been resolved. So, nothing was left out.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
[“Welcome home, dear.” Miss Son welcomed Dong Woon home.]
You didn't need the ',' after the 'welcome home'. You don't really pause after saying 'Welcome home'.
[Even put a small Santa cap on an orange you drew a happy face on, take a photo and there you go, the entry!]
Instead, it should've been: You could put a small Santa cap on an orange, draw a happy face on it, take a photo and there you go, an entry!
Other than some slight punctuation mistakes, I guess you did pretty well on it. As for the spelling, that TOO was alright. Your vocabulary was excellent =].
Characterization: 10/10
There wasn't just a certain 'band' of people. You mixed other groups and added a fictional character. Sometimes, writing with people from different groups are better than just writing about one. Reasons being, it broadens your knowledge to characters and different readers.
Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style, I did enjoy. I liked how on some times there was comedy, but at other times, it was serious. The words you had used, were just the right ones to create the mood for the reader.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Overall I did enjoy it. I loved the characters personalities, the plot, the poster and background, and the characters! I do hope that I can read more from you. ^^.
Sub-Total: 93/100
Extras: 3/5
Your poster is awesome, so I'll add a point for that.
The characters in the fanfic were interesting.
I REALLY liked the plot and how it flowed.
Total: 96/105
Title: I caught an... Angel
Link:http://winglin.net/fanfic/ahngel/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/
Title: 5/5
It definitley sticks out from the rest of the other fanfics on winglin. Its captivates the reader, and makes them want to read it, curious to know what the story behind the title is.
Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster and background matched the theme of the story a lot. The poster features many things relating to the fanfic itself. EG: an angel, the main girl, a boy with a camera, the main boy. And, a Christmas bauble, showing that its related to Christmas. As for the background, you chose a good picture to use. It wasn't difficult for anyone to read, and certainly matched the theme.
Forewords: 7/10
A fantastic prologue as to how the boys got through the rounds. It also doesn't give too much away about the characters, which will bring the reader to wanting to know more about them. I for one found that slightly annoying, since I wanted to know more, but thats a good thing. It got you to get the readers wanting to know more.
Plot: 15/15
There are many plots out there with fantasy in it. I guess this sort of has fantasy as a gennre. The plots of Angels just recently became popular, however, the twists you created in the fanfic were unexpected. They flowed together well, it wasn't all over the place, confusing the reader. Instead, you made things clear and easy for the reader to be able to understand.
Creativity/Originality: 14/15
Once again, I say that the Angels recently became popular, so I had to reduce a point. But, the originality of your plot was simply great. Sure, Angels are common, but not spirits - I think. The characters that you added was a mix, and you even made a fictional character instead of putting 'you' or '____-ah'. Which, is easier on your behalf and the reader's.
Flow: 10/10
Everything flowed together perfectly. It wasn't going to fast, and all of the problems in the story had been resolved. So, nothing was left out.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
[“Welcome home, dear.” Miss Son welcomed Dong Woon home.]
You didn't need the ',' after the 'welcome home'. You don't really pause after saying 'Welcome home'.
[Even put a small Santa cap on an orange you drew a happy face on, take a photo and there you go, the entry!]
Instead, it should've been: You could put a small Santa cap on an orange, draw a happy face on it, take a photo and there you go, an entry!
Other than some slight punctuation mistakes, I guess you did pretty well on it. As for the spelling, that TOO was alright. Your vocabulary was excellent =].
Characterization: 10/10
There wasn't just a certain 'band' of people. You mixed other groups and added a fictional character. Sometimes, writing with people from different groups are better than just writing about one. Reasons being, it broadens your knowledge to characters and different readers.
Writing Style: 10/10
Your writing style, I did enjoy. I liked how on some times there was comedy, but at other times, it was serious. The words you had used, were just the right ones to create the mood for the reader.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
Overall I did enjoy it. I loved the characters personalities, the plot, the poster and background, and the characters! I do hope that I can read more from you. ^^.
Sub-Total: 93/100
Extras: 3/5
Your poster is awesome, so I'll add a point for that.
The characters in the fanfic were interesting.
I REALLY liked the plot and how it flowed.
Total: 96/105
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Wife 4 Hire [review]
Fanfic Title: Wife 4 Hire
Author: afhilangie
Fanfic Url: http://winglin.net/fanfic/4hire/
Reviewer: purple_lilly @ccmunchers.blogspot.com
Story Title: (4/5)
The title totally shows what in the plot. You could've put 'Wife For Hire' instead, but 'Wife 4 Hire' is better. If you wanted to get the correct grammar way, it would've been 'For'. Apart from that, I really liked it.
Appearance: (9/10)
Gui Gui looked just like how she was characterized. Good use of choosing the photo. As for Aaron, it suited him, since he was a businessman. The poster really was eye-catching. I REALLY did want to read it, not as a reviewer, but just as a general reader myself. The background was great. But, the yellow font, I kind of found it too bright. Overall, I really liked the appearance of your story. Very very attractive.
Forewords/ Introduction: (9/10)
The quotes you added, really made me want to read it in the quickest time possible. The vocabulary used was higher than what I use. I had to look at the dictionary to find out what most of the words you included meant! Your introduction of the characters, was simple and straight to the point. Not an endless essay that was longer than the fanfic itself. But I couldn't help but want to know more about Gui Gui and Aaron. . It explained that Gui Gui would leave Aaron at some point, but not that they'd pretend to be 'boyfriend girlfriend' beforehand. It was really captivating! The only advice I can give, is to make your introduction, not as detailed as what you had put. It gave a little bit extra away.
Plot: (19/20)
Congratulations! Only a mark away from getting a full mark! The chapters were captivating, like your forewords. I knew something was going to happen, since you said Gui Gui was to leave in the forewords, but as I read more about it, I began to wonder, how is Gui Gui to leave? Its near the end, and she hasn't left yet. It turned out she left and the chapter before the final one. And came back to him in the final chapter. I've never read a plot like this yet. For me, it was unique, since it was my first time reading a plot like this. But somehow, I expected Gui Gui to have come back to Aaron. They always do. Maybe you could have just let her stay away from him, for a year, and then they'd get back together, however what you put, was good also. As for Trina, her character, was like the third wheel. Holding Aaron away from Gui Gui. Good use for Trina there. The only things you've done wrong is your tense. Instead of has, you put have, or instead of sit, you put sat. I know, it may not matter, but I got quite confused, is it past? Or present? This was the only thing that was wrong, that kept getting repeated every chapter I read. At least one word wrong, causing one point to fall from an all perfect 20/20.
Characterization: (10/10)
The characters stuck to whatever you said they were. Well, Gui Gui changed, since she used to be embarrassed to be a dancer, however that changed gradually. As for Trina, I thought she had left the first time I read about her, but she just had to come back and ruin GuiLun. This showed that Trina certainly DIDN'T change in any way. Although a minor character, Trina made Gui Gui run away, causing Aaron to find her, and when he did find her, they confessed his love, meaning, without Trina's hurtful words, GuiLun wouldn't have been together. So good use of characters!
Creativity/Originality: (8/10)
Sure, this is the first fanfic I've read with this type of plot, however, I always knew that Gui Gui would end up living with Aaron and everything would be a 'happily ever after'. The thing is, that this always happens! I get annoyed for some reason, yet all giddy. Sure, you could've put more twists. I've noticed that GuiLun is a very popular variety of characters in winglin. However, many of them, I haven't read before, since I mostly read Korean with just a little Taiwanese.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: (9/10)
There is nothing wrong with any of your spellings, vocabulary (which is really good!) or punctuations. But the grammar, not so good, but not so bad either. The only thing is, that, like what I said before. Your tenses were wrong. But! Everything else seems to be good.
Flow: (5/5)
It was just the right type of flow. However, I kind of had the feeling that you ended it a bit too fast. But throughout the whole story, it wasn't slow, nor fast (?). Just the right pace.
Writing Style: (15/15)
The story is very organized! I didn't get confused at all, the speech was clearly set out, and so were the paragraphs.
Overall Enjoyment: (5/5)
I laughed, I felt sad. This story surely had quite an impact on me. Made me...want to read EVERY story you've ever written.
Sub-total: 93/100
Bonus: (5/5)
I've only ever read 2-3 GuiLun fanfics, and thanks to this, I may be reading much more. I also really enjoyed it! Such a great plot! Well done, afhilangie!!!!
Total: 98/100
-----------------
This is one of my reviews from CCM.
Author: afhilangie
Fanfic Url: http://winglin.net/fanfic/4hire/
Reviewer: purple_lilly @ccmunchers.blogspot.com
Story Title: (4/5)
The title totally shows what in the plot. You could've put 'Wife For Hire' instead, but 'Wife 4 Hire' is better. If you wanted to get the correct grammar way, it would've been 'For'. Apart from that, I really liked it.
Appearance: (9/10)
Gui Gui looked just like how she was characterized. Good use of choosing the photo. As for Aaron, it suited him, since he was a businessman. The poster really was eye-catching. I REALLY did want to read it, not as a reviewer, but just as a general reader myself. The background was great. But, the yellow font, I kind of found it too bright. Overall, I really liked the appearance of your story. Very very attractive.
Forewords/ Introduction: (9/10)
The quotes you added, really made me want to read it in the quickest time possible. The vocabulary used was higher than what I use. I had to look at the dictionary to find out what most of the words you included meant! Your introduction of the characters, was simple and straight to the point. Not an endless essay that was longer than the fanfic itself. But I couldn't help but want to know more about Gui Gui and Aaron. . It explained that Gui Gui would leave Aaron at some point, but not that they'd pretend to be 'boyfriend girlfriend' beforehand. It was really captivating! The only advice I can give, is to make your introduction, not as detailed as what you had put. It gave a little bit extra away.
Plot: (19/20)
Congratulations! Only a mark away from getting a full mark! The chapters were captivating, like your forewords. I knew something was going to happen, since you said Gui Gui was to leave in the forewords, but as I read more about it, I began to wonder, how is Gui Gui to leave? Its near the end, and she hasn't left yet. It turned out she left and the chapter before the final one. And came back to him in the final chapter. I've never read a plot like this yet. For me, it was unique, since it was my first time reading a plot like this. But somehow, I expected Gui Gui to have come back to Aaron. They always do. Maybe you could have just let her stay away from him, for a year, and then they'd get back together, however what you put, was good also. As for Trina, her character, was like the third wheel. Holding Aaron away from Gui Gui. Good use for Trina there. The only things you've done wrong is your tense. Instead of has, you put have, or instead of sit, you put sat. I know, it may not matter, but I got quite confused, is it past? Or present? This was the only thing that was wrong, that kept getting repeated every chapter I read. At least one word wrong, causing one point to fall from an all perfect 20/20.
Characterization: (10/10)
The characters stuck to whatever you said they were. Well, Gui Gui changed, since she used to be embarrassed to be a dancer, however that changed gradually. As for Trina, I thought she had left the first time I read about her, but she just had to come back and ruin GuiLun. This showed that Trina certainly DIDN'T change in any way. Although a minor character, Trina made Gui Gui run away, causing Aaron to find her, and when he did find her, they confessed his love, meaning, without Trina's hurtful words, GuiLun wouldn't have been together. So good use of characters!
Creativity/Originality: (8/10)
Sure, this is the first fanfic I've read with this type of plot, however, I always knew that Gui Gui would end up living with Aaron and everything would be a 'happily ever after'. The thing is, that this always happens! I get annoyed for some reason, yet all giddy. Sure, you could've put more twists. I've noticed that GuiLun is a very popular variety of characters in winglin. However, many of them, I haven't read before, since I mostly read Korean with just a little Taiwanese.
Spelling/Vocabulary/Grammar/Punctuations: (9/10)
There is nothing wrong with any of your spellings, vocabulary (which is really good!) or punctuations. But the grammar, not so good, but not so bad either. The only thing is, that, like what I said before. Your tenses were wrong. But! Everything else seems to be good.
Flow: (5/5)
It was just the right type of flow. However, I kind of had the feeling that you ended it a bit too fast. But throughout the whole story, it wasn't slow, nor fast (?). Just the right pace.
Writing Style: (15/15)
The story is very organized! I didn't get confused at all, the speech was clearly set out, and so were the paragraphs.
Overall Enjoyment: (5/5)
I laughed, I felt sad. This story surely had quite an impact on me. Made me...want to read EVERY story you've ever written.
Sub-total: 93/100
Bonus: (5/5)
I've only ever read 2-3 GuiLun fanfics, and thanks to this, I may be reading much more. I also really enjoyed it! Such a great plot! Well done, afhilangie!!!!
Total: 98/100
-----------------
This is one of my reviews from CCM.
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