Insanely Sane [REVIEW]

Author: ICEDCOFFEE
Title: Insanely Sane
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ICEEE/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/


Title: 5/5
It has a good play on words that can attract a reader. It's unique, however some people use it but for different purposes (for love). Your choice of genre was different to the norm.


Poster/Background: 10/10
You can clearly see the character's personality with the poster. How their minds are damaged with the broken glass. The use of text effects is good too. As for the background, the image doesn't cause harm for the eyes. It is clear and can make the text be easily read.


Forewords: 10/10
Outstanding uses of quotes at the end; captivating the reader instantly. There is a good, detailed summary about the plot of where your oneshot is heading. There's barely and spelling or grammar mistakes that I could detect, it's simply flawless! It is by far really unique since I actually had goosebumps since I'm not a fan of this certain genre, but it is a very intriguing start!


Plot: 15/15
Your plot flows smoothly throughout the whole story. Nothing is sticking out, creating loose ends and such. You didn't try to rush anything; which some people tend to do when they're creating a oneshot. There isn't anything that's causing you to slow down either! Well done~! It is an original plot and I can barely see anything out of the ordinary. I'm pretty much repeating myself, but honestly? It's good. All twists flowed together to be unravelled at a latter part in the oneshot.


Creativity/Originality: 15/15
I don't see many 'insane' fanfics out there. They're all focusing on common themes such as rom-com and dark romance. I also find it unique how you made the ending sad but happy. There was a twist in that way. With the way on how you worded human ignorance seemed like a wake-up call. As well as being an original piece of fiction, there can be some sort of truth in the words you've put together. Really well put, makes the reader question what they believe in. I believe only good authors are able to accomplish that!


Flow: 10/10
The twists untangled themselves at the end. The speed wasn't too fast. And I repeat again, people writing oneshots usually speed up how they write. Though with your pace it was well balanced.


Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10
Everything is great, but just one time that is really minor. I can't see any errors but this. And that is that instead of using '1' you should write it out as a word 'one'. Yes, that may be slightly picky. However, that's what I learned in English so I supposed that's how it goes. Everything else? Great. Your tenses are in the right place, as was the vocabulary you used! ^^

Characterization: 8/10
I have nothing against Kim Jaejoong, but I find that he's slightly overrated regarding fanfic main male characters. I would say try using other men out there for a future fanfic who isn't in the limelight as much. Of course this may lessen the popularity of your story. But it's worth a shot~! As well as the main original character. Thank you. Lots of people are using the 'reader' as one of the characters. Sure that may be great for the reader. However, it isn't proper English grammar. You've managed to create your own character, moulding her into what you want her to be.


Writing Style: 10/10
Your style is easily read. Nothing that can make my eyes twitch whatsoever.


Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
1 point: It's my first experience reading this sort of genre. I must admit, when I first saw your forewords I was worried that I would not be able to sleep. But as I read onward... I realized the true meaning of what you were trying to get across.
1 point: Your writing style is really advanced. I wish all writers could write as detailed as you can. But that wouldn't create originality!
1 point: It was a REALLY good read. I enjoyed every bit of it.
1 point: The epilogue for Jaejoong was a really good way of showing how both characters loved each other, but didn't get the chance.
1 point: Really good graphics and the unique genre that you used. I barely see it come up.


Sub-Total: 98/100
(WELL DONE!)

Extras: 5/5
**I feel like I've been really generous! But your story was really great! I loved every bit of it!!
Total: 103/105

You've got me flying to you

Title: You've got me flying to you

Writer: purple_lilly

Requestor: zenlovers

████████████████████████████████████

"All right dear, is there anything else I can help you with?" I stared at my dad with a face I could only describe as holding pure sarcasm. I just shook my head and put my final pair of shoes into my suitcase. “Everything’s going well now dad. I’ve got everything packed and set. Thanks for the offer though.” I turned around and saw my dad tearing up. Rolling my eyes I began, “yeesh! Get a grip old man! I’m only going for one month! Seriously...” He was acting as if I was going to be gone for three years. Goodness me, my emotional father, how can he cope when I’ll be gone? Of course, I’m not going to stay with him. No way am I giving up this opportunity! “All right, I’ll be going to the airport in one hour, any last words for your daughter?” I asked. “I love you Im Raena. My beautiful daughter, be safe?” I nodded, why did he have to say those words? Now I might even break out some tears. Aigoo...

My dad drove me to the airport, where he held me back just once, trying to make me change my mind. But I’d been certain since the day they came here to Tokyo. Finished waving to my dad, I headed into the long tube past the boarding room and into the plane. I stared at the first class area from my front seat in the second class area. Please let there be an empty seat, I hoped. Thankfully one of the stewardesses came in and asked if anyone wanted to come to the first class area. Since I was at the front, and already prepared my hand popped up first. She pointed at me, and told me to follow her. I quickly took my hand carry, checked my seat for any belongings I may have forgotten and left the second class, giving peace signs to all the Japanese people who weren’t as lucky as me.

First class. How do I begin to explain it? Clean and quiet are the only thing that comes to my mind. The seat I had was a window seat to the right. Beside me, at the middle was a man sleeping with headphones in. Hmph, he’s lucky. I bet this is a regular thing for him; sleeping easily and all. I strapped myself in and paid attention to the pilot, waiting for him to tell us when we were to take off. I nestled into the leather seat, and turned on one of the movies that they put up. I grew bored of it, so I moved onto playing with games instead. There was one game where I had to play against a different person on board the plane. I looked around and saw that it was the person at the very front, in the middle. I smirked, and accepted their game request. There was a chat area allocated in the bottom left as well.

Seat A2: Hey, you looking forward to going to Seoul?
(you): Yep. It’s my first time actually being in first class.
Seat A2: Really? Well, it won’t last long, this flight’s only two hours :(
(you): I know... Are you a regular user of this plane?
Seat A2: Yes, currently my third time with the same seat and pilot :D
(you): Hey, does this game include math? :O
Seat A2: Yeah... you not so good at it?
(you): Aww, darn. Nope, not good at all TT_TT
Seat A2: Hehe, awesome! Cus, right now... I’m winning :P
(you): Hey! No fair!! Give me a fair chance at least...mister?
Seat A2: Hah! NO! And yes, I am a Mr, you a Miss?
(you): Mhmm, you’re a Mr. Mean too... ^-^v
Seat A2: Just you wait until I need the toilet, I’m going to ...
(you): HAH! Imma tell the stewardesses what you’re planning :P
Seat A2: Like they’d do anything about it.
(you): You’re mean XP
Seat A2: Heh, like I care, I’ve won...
(you): Can this conversation be printed?
Seat A2: Yeah, why...?
(you): The conversation seemed cool :D
(---you have left the chat---)

I smiled and laid my head on the fluffy pillow against my window and went to sleep. Two hours? Any amount of time of sleep is important to me. A couple minutes, I awoke to someone jostling my pillow off my head.

“Yah! Yah! Woman, wake up!!!” The anonymous voice shouted next to my ear. I turned my face, and met the greatest shock of my life. Lee... Lee Myungsoo. Right... right there! In front of me! Face to face! Ahh! My beautiful dream had chosen to become a reality! Thank you life!!
“Yes?” I didn’t give away that I knew him, seemed creepy.
He stopped blinking, and just stared. I’d like to hope that he was mesmerised by my beauty, but there’s no imagining that at all. “You... you’re the girl I’ve been talking to?!”
Oh-em-geee!! Mr. Mean is my dream man?! I was speechless so I just ended up nodding my lousy head.
“Ahh, I see. Do you happen to know who I am?”
Yes, you’re my husband... “You’re my- You’re from this band right?” Phew! Almost said it there! Yes Raena, act like you aren’t totally in love with their beautiful music!
“Well, I’m from Infinite. It’s a Korean band that just recently debuted. Not so recent, but quite recent... Err, I have no idea why I am explaining it to you...” He stuttered. Oh, he stuttered! For me!!! If I stopped breathing then and there, he could’ve possibly saved me! Right, enough fan-girlying!
“Okay, so why were you waking me up?” Yes, that’s good. I have a steady voice.
He stared into my eyes for a couple seconds then smiled, “every sleeping beauty –“

“Thank you for flying with Korea Air. Please fly with us again.”

I woke up, my eyes wide. Huh, just a dream. I pouted, and opened my window screen. Ahh, Korea. It’s been so long since I last came to this beautiful country. I took my hand carry and turned around, to head to the door. The boy who had been seated in Seat A2 was standing up and was holding a piece of paper. I tilted my head, wondering what words were written on it. He turned around and I pretended that I hadn’t been watching what he was doing and was actually in line waiting for the door to be opened. I felt a presence behind me and turned around. Oh... oh my... I gulped and tried to keep my cool. For, in front of me was none other than Dongwoo. How had he come to this plane? I’m not too sure.

He must’ve sensed my uneasiness for he smirked, “yah. You know who I am now?”
I looked up at him, and hid behind my face of pretend, “why? Should I? Excuse me, but I suppose I was right. Even in person, you are still a Mr. Mean. Hmph!” I turned around, making sure that I did a dramatic diva hair flick. Grinning as the doors opened, I followed the line as it shuffled forwards.
My arm got pulled back, “excuse me. But you wanted a printed copy right?” He held out the piece of paper, and I just stared at his outstretched hand. Hey, Myungsoo may be my bias but... Oh my, his outstretched arm for me!
I took the paper, “thanks. Hey, are you famous or something?”
Dongwoo perked up, “yeah I sing a little.”
“Oh. Okay...” I turned around, grasping the paper and held my squeal in.
“Hey, want me to sign it?” Dongwoo asked.
I gulped, turned around and I couldn’t even speak so all I could do was nod in response to what he was offering. He took out his sharpie pen and signed the bottom corner, leaving a little note, which I read to be:  “I’m not so mean at all as you suppose miss... Dongwoo oppa <3” I held my scream in, smiled at him and just walked off.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I stared at the apartment which contained my new home. Well, for a month. I was hoping to stay for longer but that wasn’t the case for me sadly. My dad hadn’t wanted me to stay any longer. He would apparently miss me too much. I started up the stairs and sighed. My bags were so heavy, I’m starting to wonder, was this even a good idea to even go to this country? I sighed again. I can’t turn back now! I need to prove to my dad that I was right; that I was ready to be by myself and move into the world of adulthood. Pulling my hair into a ponytail I dragged the luggage up the stairs, only to find that when I got to the second floor that there was an elevator. I hit my face in annoyance. But when I saw my door I ran for it not caring anymore. I just wanted some sleep.

The following morning I awoke to loud banging noises from next door. Grumpy and frustrated, I put on some slippers and checked the time on the kitchen wall, 07:40. Gah! I haven’t even slept three hours yet! The landlady had prepared everything for my coming so I need not have brought that much essential items. Grumbling to myself, I took my key, opened my door and then locked it. I’m not yet sure who lives here. But I can’t trust anyone yet. I turned to my left where the noise was coming from. Angrily, I banged the door. Once it opened, I didn’t wait to see who it was.

“Excuse me, could you keep it down? I’ve just moved here from Japan and I’ve barely had any sleep from my flight. Can you please lower down the volume of your racket? I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who is bothered by this noise. So please? Lower down your volume!” I erupted, and it felt good. That was until I actually focused my eyes and stared at the person in front of me. Oh... oh dear...

“OMO! I’m so terribly sorry to hear that about you! Don’t worry, I’ll tell my hyungs about them shutting up. Oh, and welcome to Seoul!” Sungjong smiled at me and closed the door.

I was back in my apartment and I couldn’t help my squeals and emptied them all in a pillow. I’m living next to the reason why I’m in Seoul! Oh my gosh! I’ve talked to Dongwoo and Sungjong! Aigoo! I can’t wait to meet Myungsoo! At least, I hope we’ll meet. This is actually turning out to be an awesome trip! My spazzing was interrupted by a knock on the door. Heart racing, I opened it. A rock called disappointment hit me on the forehead, it was the landlady. She was just checking how I was running the apartment.

I spent the majority of the day on my laptop, reading updates on Infinite. I suddenly thought to myself, how in the world can this happen? If I want to stay here, I’ll need a job! I quickly searched for openings in restaurants since I had previous experience as a waitress in Tokyo. There was one job that had just opened and it was right across the road! Great, I thought to myself. I changed and headed out, preparing myself for an interview.

The restaurant was packed; other people wanted the job as well. But it was a popular tourist spot, so the employer looked for multi-lingual employees. Luckily I spoke Japanese, so I had more of an advantage than the local Koreans looking for work. At the end of it all, I was accepted along with five other people. I explained to the boss that I’d only be there for a month so it meant that I got my pay every weekend instead of at the end of the month. The boss set up a reserve for someone else so that when I did leave someone else would take my place. The rest of my day I had spent serving customers of Jaejun’s Jjang food.

Going home at 7pm. It was already dark, although my home was only across the road, I still felt uneasy. Gulping and clutching my bag tightly I bravely crossed the road. The building I lived in was very protective, as it had a fingerprint scanner in order to open the door. I put my finger on the scanner and once I was past the gate I let out a sigh of relief. I headed into the building, this time taking the elevator. I pressed the up button and waited for it to come down from apparently the second floor. It was taking a while so I pressed the button repeatedly, already impatient. The doors opened with a ding and out came Infinite. The fangirl in me wanted to faint, but I wanted to be normal in front of them. Imagine that! It would actually seem pretty creepy. They all smiled at me as they walked past, I smiled back and glared at Dongwoo to which he smirked in response.

“Bye Mr. Mean,” I said once I was in the elevator and the doors were closing. There was enough time for me to see him turn around and grin at me. I stuck out my tongue and heard Songjung ask him, “How do you know our neighbour?” What an epic exit Raena! I thought to myself. Giddy that I finally met Infinite I ran to my apartment and went to my room; once again screaming into my pillow full of happiness.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

So that was how life went for me for the first three days. Get up, and head to work. Let’s be honest here, the main reason why I came to Korea was because of my next door neighbour, Infinite; I’m an avid inspirit fan. I came here, hoping to get a feel of what made Infinite, InfiniteAnd with that in mind I never thought I would’ve talked to two of the amazing members. I really wish that somehow there would be a way to talk to Myungsoo! Ahh, this is frustrating! I know, I should just tell them I like them but that would mean that I lied to Dongwoo and he might not like me... Eugh, I should just get out of here and explore Korea!! I’m in a beautiful country after all aren’t I?

So at 4pm when my shift had finished I took a bus to go to the Hankang River. There were lots of couples there that I felt so lost and alone. But that didn’t matter; I was enjoying the view and scenery. All of a sudden there were screams. I turned to them and saw a boy with his hood up running toward me. He was carrying a satchel; wait is this boy a thief? I only changed my mind when I saw he take out a scarf, wrap it around his neck and stand next to me, completely still, like he was there all along. He then took my hand and turned me around heading to sit on a bench.

“Excuse me, what do you think you are doing?!” I literally shouted at him. He put his finger to his lips and I saw his eyes. Oh... I could recognise those eyes from anywhere. I got the clue and shut up. The girls appeared in front of me, they kept murmuring “where’s oppa gone?”, “oppa? Myung oppa?!?”. Oh, their nicknames are simply hilarious. But I must admit, it was pretty cute. After we were certain that they were gone Myungsoo let go of my hand. I was only made aware of that fact the second he took it off and missed it immediately.

He smiled down at me and said, “thank you, neighbour. Hey? What’s your name?”
“Me? Oh I am Im Raena, pleased to meet you my yeo- Myungsoo.” Gosh! I almost called him my husband then!
We shook hands, and he led me back to a black van. Okay, Myungsoo I love you and all, kidnap me if you wish, but please! Bring the rest of Infinite with you. He tapped a tune on the van and it opened. Inside was the rest of Infinite. Dongwoo and Sungjong waved at me, the rest still thought of me as a stranger.

Inside Myungsoo explained everything. And so did Dongwoo and Sungjong of how they knew and met me. They all looked shocked when Dongwoo said I didn’t know them. In my heart, it hurt. I was lying to my most loved and precious band! Gahh!

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

So, since I now knew Infinite, we talked more and they even invited me to some of their live performances. I tried my very best to become close to Myungsoo and since I knew what he liked, I simply did those things for him. They were turning out to be my close friends and tour guides of Seoul! Before I knew it the month’s end was coming closer and closer. And then I ended up having just four days left.

On the first day Infinite took me out to eat and then we moved to a Karaoke place to party ‘til dawn. The second day they were busy with comeback practices however during the evening they came over to my apartment and we ate dinner cooked by me. Ahh, it felt awesome seeing their faces enjoy my cooking! This was a dream come true for me. Hours were ticking by though and I felt sad to say this but I didn’t want to go back to my dad. I wanted to stay here, in Korea. I’ll find a decent job and then carry on living life happily... But that’s not the case. I need to be there for my dad. He’d be a loner at home...

The last day was really quiet. It was awkward, but I tried my best to make sure that everyone was in a happy mood. I didn’t want to leave on a sad note at all. They took me to their apartment this time, and Hoya cooked dinner. It was delicious, but the other boys were trying to tease and play with him. I tried to cheer him up by giving him the thumbs up. I noticed the Myungsoo was surprisingly quiet; usually he would join in with our fanatic jokes. As Woohyun lost the bet to clean the dishes I went out to the balcony where Myungsoo was.

“Hey. So, how has Korea treated you?” Myungsoo asked me. I turned to him, you’ve been awesome, I thought.
“Oh, it’s been very generous to me. I love it so much! I wish I could live here, but sadly I cannot abandon my dad.”
“Lucky dad...”
I turned to Myungsoo, “hmm? Why would my dad be lucky?” I raised an eyebrow, confused.
Myungsoo peeked in through the sliding doors and closed them. He turned to me and grasped my hand, like the first time we met. “Raena, I’ve fallen in love with you...” He stared deep into my eyes. I stopped breathing for a second. He smiled at me, and then started to sing their song ‘Entrust’. I let one hand free and covered my mouth to stop the squeals.
“Oh, oppa... why are you telling me this valuable information the day before I leave!?” I asked him.
“Because... I hadn’t realized you would be gone from me since the beginning of dinner...” He had finished singing.
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, “oppa if you told me sooner, than I maybe wouldn’t be leaving Seoul. I could’ve stayed with you. But my dad is expecting me. I don’t want him to be disappointed.”
“Arraso, I understand completely what you mean. Thanks for showing my how to love Raena...” He kissed my cheek, turned around and went back inside. I sighed, there goes my first love. If only I could stay in Seoul...

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

On the day of my departure I looked around the airport. Looking for my love, and there he was. In the cafe with his disguise. I smiled and waved goodbye to him for the final time. Goodbye Infinite, my ultimate band love. Goodbye Korea, the most beautiful city; where I learned being loved by the famous isn’t impossible. And finally, goodbye MY Myungsoo oppa. I love you, thanks for loving me back. I turned around and headed through border patrol, going back to Tokyo...

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Two years had passed, I still couldn’t forget about Myungsoo. I stayed updated with all Infinite news. Anticipating comebacks and new music videos. There was one live performance on TokyoHive of Infinite that I could watch, so I clicked the link it displayed. My breath was taken away when I saw the seven handsome jjangs on stage. Myungsoo spoke into the mike and said, “This song is dedicated to one special girl...” my eyes watered. Thank you Myungsoo... I thought, listening to their Acoustic version of Entrust.

-------

a/n] I am so sorry that this is delayed. No amount of excuses can make put me off the hook. All I hope for is that you enjoyed it and will request again from Writer’s Strike~!

Tell me goodbye [REVIEW]

Author: Cheese_ohmyx!
Title: Tell Me Goodbye
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Cheese_ohmyx/
Reviewer: purple_lilly
Site: Writers Strike - VST http://writer-strike-vst.blogspot.com/

----------------------------------------

Title: 5/5
A title I haven’t come across before. It also fits in with the plot!

Poster/Background: 9/10
The poster colours fits in with the title and the concept used are also linked with the plot in your storyline. The background is also fitting into the theme; however you could have used a quote, or image or even the same poster which would make the final score for this section of marking.

Forewords: 8.5/10
The forewords tell us many things, but possibly too many things. Also, the names almost confused me because you had left a comma in between their last name and first name. It’s always good to try and describe it by using rhetorical questions.

So instead of;
‘Kwon, Jiyong(G-Dragon) had this perfect life, with this perfect girl. He had the house and the money and cars. He had the voice and the dance moves. But one day the love of his life was taken away from him by the notorious mafia leader Choi, Seung-Hyun(T.O.P). T.O.P called him as soon as his guys (Kang, DaeSung, & Kim, Hyung-jun) came in and took Park, Su-min away from G-Dragon. He teased G-Dragon in a way before threatening him and then hangs up.’

Try;

Kwon Jiyong (G-Dragon) has the perfect life, with a perfect girl. He has the house, the money and the cars. He has the voice and the dance moves. However, what happens when that one perfect girl - the love of his life - is taken away from him from the notorious mafia leader Choi Seung-Hyun (T.O.P)? As soon as his guys, (Kang Daesung and Kim Hyung-Jun) come in take Park Su-Min away from G-Dragon, signals of dangers aim his way. Once taken away, only more torment has to be taken by G-Dragon as T.O.P constantly plays with his mind in a way before threatening him and hanging up.


Plot: 10/15
The plot fits the forewords well and accurately, also giving extended happenings in many chapters to give off a more interesting read. Although, I really was expecting a lot of things in your storyline to happen because of the mafia group, it happens a lot in other storylines. One thing you could’ve done was that you could’ve made the mafia working for an extraordinary reason. Possibly if Taeyang was the person who killed T.O.P’s father, and he felt like getting revenge so in the end, he uses money as an excuse and kidnaps Taeyang’s best friend’s (G-Dragon) girlfriend and never lets her go – because he can’t have his father back. Then G-Dragon would feel betrayed and angry wouldn’t he? And then you could carry on with more twists evolving. I never thought that there would be one nice person in the group who is only being used by the leader to get what he wants though – I didn’t expect him to like the leader’s sister either! Or have a detective with surrounding problems of his own.

Creativity/Originality: 10 /15
I must say, there are lots of fanfics where someone is put under pressure because of a Mafia gang. Along with that, there’s almost rarely someone who works for the leader that manages to fall in love with the girl who belongs to their enemy and it’s rare to find a detective to get involved with this sort of situation so I have given a 10 out of the15 points available.

Flow: 10 /10
The plot isn’t going too fast or too slow and you don’t miss any unimportant bits out so well done on this.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6.5/10
You kept forgetting your punctuation mark. In many speeches, you had left a lot of questions without a question mark;

“Am I not your best friend.” he answered me with a question.
This should be;
“Am I not your best friend?” he answered me with another question.
You should also be aware that you should never put a capital word in a word in the middle of a sentence when it isn’t a name, place of object.
“You Can’t answer my question with another question” I said laughing slightly, then smiling. We gave each other that ‘man’ hug.
‘Can’t’ should be ‘can’t’.
“Daesung! Their home, lets get out of here.” Hyung-Jun yelled. I looked at him, I dropped the empty picture frame on the ground and the glass broke.

In this sentence, there is a big mistake but you shouldn’t worry too much because many people get this grammar vocabulary wrong. There is a difference in there, their and they’re. ‘There’ is when you address a location. For eg. There is the library. ‘Their’ is when it’s in possession of more than one person. Eg. Their hats are blue. The sentence above should’ve been;

“Daesung! They’re home, let’s get out of here.”

The reason is because ‘they’re’ is the same as ‘they are’, only the ‘a’ is replaced with a comma.

However, I’ve realised you’ve improved your spellings very well in the rest of the fanfic which made me feel like I should add another point for improving without help!

Characterization: 9/10
From the Forewords, you have told me a very accurate and clear personality of everyone and if their personality wasn’t there, it was later found out in the story judging on their speeches and actions. But I would’ve preferred a more detailed version of every character so I know what they’re all like and it could’ve possibly taken my attention more if more was written.

Writing Style: 9/10
The format is set out well and you know where to start a new paragraph. You also leave lines when a new person speaks so it’s clear for us to understand who is talking. I’ve preferred if you had left a space when you’re describing a new character. But in conclusion, I felt that it was easy and clear to read your chapters because of the way you laid it out so well done!

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I enjoyed the storyline, although I have read a huge number of fanfics that have to do with mafias and a guy falling in love with their supposed-to-be enemy’s girlfriend. There was a lot of tension and I hope you don’t feel too down once reading this review because I really did enjoy reading it!

Sub-Total: 81/100

Extras: 5/5
- I’m a VIP and I love fanfics that feature BIGBANG so one mark for that.
- I like that SeungRi isn’t part of the gang or part of G-Dragon’s life – he was simply the detective which is different compared to other fanfics xD
- I just want to be generous because it’s delayed! :)
- I enjoyed reading most of it.
- It’s sad to know Daesung is only being used because of his family background but he is so generous even though nothing goes right for him! An original character! :)

Total: 86/105

Falling angels...

Title: Falling angels...
Writer: purple_lilly
Requestor: xpresso.cat

████████████████████████████████████

Nicole

I stared at the stars. I'm always alone whenever I have trips like this. But, I don't mind. There are stars there to always keep me company. So, it's alright. Not that I mind in the first place. It's more calming during the night, less people, less noise. More time for people to realize that peace is there, just if you search for it. I smiled, breathing in the wind that I had lacked since my transfer last year. Of course, I had occasional times when I was allowed out, but that was with my mom. I didn't like it when people watched me. I'm glad that they agreed on letting me out alone this night. - I hope that I get more, but I can't wish for more than one thing on the angels. I can only get one wish, and that one wish is something that I will never change...

The night reminds me of so many things. It reminds me of the darkness I feel every time someone leaves me in the dark, not explaining my problems to me, keeping secrets from me. It reminds me of being alone, with no friends to share life with. I've been a lonely person for such a long time that it hurts. But, there was that one person who never failed to make me smile...

flashback -- 3 years ago

I snuck out from the hospital, being as quiet as possible, only to be surprised when I heard a boy's voice from behind, "You're fast for a sick person."
"You followed me out from the hospital?" I asked
“Why’d you sneak out?”
“Today’s the day when the angels fall!” I said happily.
“Huh?” He looked so confused, it was CUTE! I smiled and pointed above making him look up as well. “They say that those stars over there are fallen angels that will grant your wishes.” I said.
He clasped my hands, “You believe in those things? They’re just rocks.” He said as he sat down beside me.
My happy smile disappeared, “Thanks for ruining my dream you idiot!” I muttered while puffing my cheeks.
He chuckled at my expression “I’m sorry but I was only stating the truth.” “Hmph. Let me just believe that they’re angels okay? I need my wish.” And with that I closed my eyes to wish.
“What’s your wish why are you so eager to have it?”
“Can’t tell or it won’t come true.” I said with a wink.

end of flashback --3 years later.

I smile remembering that day. That boy, I never knew his name... but somehow I can never seem to forget him. He was my first friend. I'd always been stuck in the hospital, or if I'm well enough at home. I was lucky to have left the room that night, and that no one discovered me. Sometimes, I think that it was the falling angels which lead me to him. It was the falling angel topic that made us somewhat closer I guess.

Every month, I'd go to the place where we first met. On the third time, I saw him. At that visit, he asked me for my name. I told him 'comet' since I didn't want him to really know that I was called Nicole. I wanted some mystery in our story. I had been so engrossed by space that I guess it sort of slipped out. However, my condition got worse, that we had to move to a more improved hospital.

I'm only lucky right now to have left the room because the doctors noticed my will to be out. They didn't like depressed patients, so they let me out every once in a while. My condition isn't getting anywhere near good. But, I still continue to wish on the falling angels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things have been getting better I guess. The angels must've heard my plea for happiness and peace. I'm glad for that. It means that they really are out there, listening to what I dream about. Maybe... one day I really am able to run around like a happy person, not being locked up like some sort of animal that never got to have a peace of mind. I guess I am allowed to have more than one wish. This is because only a couple hours ago, a new assistant nurse came in to take my blood test. She seemed friendly, and we ended up talking about how my life was hard, and that she ended up offering herself as one of my friends. That wish from three days ago must've gotten through to God for him to listen. I'm glad about that... However, what if that was my one wish? Had I risked my life, just for friendship?

"Nicole? Dear? Are you okay? You've been spacing out for such a long time, you're getting your mom here worried. Is everything alright honey?" I turned to my mother; the woman that prevented me from running around happily, the woman that made me live, the woman that didn't want me to be normal, the woman that cared for me enough to spend nearly millions on my condition. I've got mixed emotions on her. Whether to love her for the care she gives me, or to hate her for the overdose of care that she gives me.
"Mom, I'm just fine. Thanks for the concern. I haven't gone unconscious..." 'Yet...' I said in my mind. My mom has this constant fear that I'll never wake up, that whenever she visits, whenever I close my eyes for a mere second, I may end up just slipping away like that!
"Nicole Akanishi! This is not the way you treat your mother! I'm only caring for you! If I'd known you'd be this ungrateful for the way I treat you, maybe I would've just left you on the streets when the doctor told me of your condition!"
I sighed, and turned to my mom, "I'm sorry okay? It's just really annoying seeing the way how you constantly worry about me! At this rate, if you can't stop accepting the fact that I will get better, how in the world am I going to?!"
She smoothed my hair, smiling, "okay, okay. I won't be annoying. I just...-" She choked up - "...don't want you gone from me," then pulled me into a hug.
I smiled, and patted her back, "I'll always be here mom. Where would I disappear off to?"

The visiting hours ended, so mom had to go away. It's sad to see her leave, but sometimes relieving since she always pressured me to never close my eyes. I'm always scared to even blink in case she gets into a panic attack. However, since she left, I suddenly got the craving to go and get a snack from the canteen. Things that I love about this hospital, was that the food was available to patients at any time. As long as you swiped the card provided every time you got something.

I was walking back, chewing on my chocolate cupcake, when I saw him... The boy who... who was my first friend. He was seated on a bed, with ice on his eye. He had this grin on him, which I didn't understand, because why in the world would you grin if you just got a black eye. Then I realized why, it was because a girl was there. She was smirking at him, but had another boy's arm around her waist. What's this? Was he punched by the man because of the girl? I stared, and once again chewed on my cupcake, desperately wanting to leave before he saw and recognized me...

"HEY YOU!" A voice, the voice I hadn't heard in a while...
"Y-Yeah?" I asked, turning around, cupcake clearly forgotten.
"Do you think this boy over there had the right to punch me just because I was looking at his girlfriend and telling her she was pretty? I mean, it's like he punched me for calling her pretty. Like he didn't want it said." He turned to the other boy, "are you saying your girlfriend isn't pretty?!" He looked shocked, and had a cocky face.
So... he became a playboy?
"Err... I don't think so... BYE!" I ran off before I too got punched. That was the SCARIEST thing I'd ever experienced. Oh well, hope nothing more was to come... (I really hope I didn't jinx that...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was awkward seeing him again. The next time I saw him, he had thanked me for backing him up on what he believed. I only smiled half-heartedly, thinking that whatever he did wasn't something that I could agree to. I mean, I do agree that it's wrong to punch someone just for complimenting your girlfriend right? But, if he already knew that she had a boyfriend, why would he risk that?

My brother Jin visited me a couple days after meeting him again. He was so cautious, that he kept looking sideways and glancing to and fro when we were in the cafeteria. I stared at him, my brother sure was a strange guy, but whatever was going on in his mind must have something to do with my safety. He wouldn’t just randomly look for dangers which seemed pretty obvious. I gripped onto his arm and he stopped glancing about.

“Jin… what’s the matter? Why do you keep looking around the area? Is there a terrorist here?” This time I was looking around the area. He chuckled and patted my hand.
“No, I just heard that a playboy was present. Besides, I’d rather care about your heart being broken rather than a life or death experience. You’re more important… So, did you bump into him yet?”
“I don’t think so. The only person who’s new that I talked to a while ago is him.” I pointed to the boy sitting with his friends chatting. I don’t get why he’s still here, the black eye healed must’ve healed already.
I heard Jin suck in his breath, “you must avoid him at all times okay? He’s the playboy that I’m talking about. I heard the nurses talk about going out on a date with him, when another said that she already went with him. He’s bad news Nicole. Don’t talk to him…”
I stared at him, ‘okay, maybe he’s worse than mom…’ I thought, cringing at seeing him with other girls. I don’t know why, but I felt jealous… and frustrated. I don’t get it, why doesn’t he remember me from before? I remembered Jin wanting to know that I understood, so I just replied, “yeah… sure, whatever.” As if I didn’t care, when in fact, all I wanted to do was talk to him; how his life had been, what his name was, tell him my real name… If only I told him my real name when I had the chance…

Jin left, but gave me a warning glance before shutting the door behind him. I rolled my eyes, that’s typical Jin for you. A protective older brother that doesn’t let his younger sister live without being lectured about boy’s true intentions. Then, does that mean that he too has the same intentions? How is he to know what all boys want unless he wants those things too? When I asked him before, he just turned red and changed the subject… So I guess I was right. But now, once again… I’m alone in my room, no one to talk to, just air. If I ever end up talking to air, I swear, I would book myself to the mental hospital myself. At least there, I can hear things instead of pure dead silence!

I heard a knock from the door and became confused. My visiting hours finished ages ago. Who could that person be? Another nurse? I had already been checked so… this truly puzzled me. It confused me even more when I told them that the door was open. I regretted it immediately though, because on my door entrance, it was the boy who my brother specifically told me to not talk to… the boy who became my first-friend-that-ended-up-forgetting-about-me.

“Hey.” He cooed, taking a seat on the side of my bed.
I stared at him, conscious to see if I was drooling or not, “what brings you here?”
“Oh, I saw a boy come out from here. Is he your boyfriend?”
“Why? So you can tell me that I’m pretty, then get beat up?” I joked.
“That’s an option…” he sang, grinning cheekily.
I chuckled, but shook my head, “naw. It was my brother…” I guess that relaxed him a bit, because he seemed to look less tense than he did before.
“Oh… that’s…good.”
I pouted, “you want me to be boyfriend-less?!” I crossed my arms, acting childish.
He laughed, and patted my arm, “no… of course not! I hope I didn’t jinx that for you or anything… Anyways, I never got your name…” he murmured.
“It’s Nicole. Yours?” I asked.
“It’s Yuri Chinen at your service!” He saluted and winked.

I felt my insides melt at the wink, almost like it was a special way of saying, “nice to meet you” but with that extra umph. But then I remembered that he was a playboy, and completely forgot about me. Somehow, my attitude turned 180° and I told him to leave because I wasn’t in the mood anymore and wanted to rest. I think what I did confused him, but he still followed my request and left. I pouted once again, and buried my head in my hands. That Yuri guy… how can he forget me?! I was never able to forget about him! But, I guess he’s just a busy person that is lucky enough to have lots of friends…

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s a miracle! I’ve been cured! The doctors were amazed at the discovery, but looked up to the skies and just said, “once again, He’s made another person happy…” I guess those angels did let me get my wish after all – of getting better. They prescribed me with some pills just to be safe, and was allowed to go home. It’d been such a long time since I went home, that I didn’t recognize anything. All the furniture seemed brand new and my room was neater. My hands gingerly traced the floral lace pattern on my duvet, something I used to love to do when I was thirteen, the age I was last time I was in this house.

“Welcome home Nicole!!” My mom walked in and enveloped me in one of those tight hugs of hers. Instead of pushing her off, I hugged her back as well, and patted her back when I couldn’t breathe anymore. Jin too came in and joined us with the rounds of hugs. I didn’t mind, but I felt suffocated. I never knew that they loved me this much. I guess I should’ve known, I don’t need hugs like these to know that I’m loved. If you’re in a family, you’ll always know you’re loved.
“You know what’s the best thing about you coming home now Nicole?”
“What?” I stared, completely scared for what he was about to say…
“YOU GET TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN!”
I groaned, and turned away, “I may not be able to catch up. I’ve missed three years of school. What do I do?!”
“Erm… get tutoring? I could help you if you want…?”
“NAHH! I’m good, I actually want to pass thank you very much.”
“Ha-ha, you’re such a loving sister, I loooooooove you.” He squeezed the life out of me while saying ‘love’. I giggled, and went back to my room, leaving my mom and brother behind.

I started school a week after settling in, and I felt so strange. To have to wake up early, to have to get changed, to shower by myself… it was like I was learning how to walk for the first time – which I think was kind of true since I had to walk to school with Jin. Life isn’t going to be as easy as it used to be in the hospital, and I had to deal with it as best as I could. I learned to not pack my bag heavily, carrying books which I wouldn’t need for the day and so on. It’s all a process, which I know I’ll get used to.

Me and Jin entered the school grounds, and people started to look at us. I stared, wondering why, but started to feel down when I heard people going, ‘oh, they must be going out.’ Okay, hearing that from someone and that it was your brother standing next to you… it’s sort of awkward and uncomfortable. I cringed imagining it, and quickly wished I hadn’t been affected so much by the comment. Jin led me the way to the reception where I got my schedule and a map. I’m so grateful that in this school, you get to go to classes from other years (which meant that I had Jin in most of my classes)!

At lunch, I stared at all the unfamiliar food and almost forgot to pay, but luckily Jin was there to show me the foods that he knew I liked, and paid for what I had stupidly forgot. I followed him to his regular table, where he introduced me to his friends. They stared at us as if we shouldn’t have been siblings, but when they started to see the resemblances, I guess they kind of accepted me as a new sister to their group. The only sister...

In my final class, Jin wasn’t in it, but Yuri was. Maybe this is why Jin was so tense after seeing my timetable. I have no idea how he knew Yuri had the same class, but I don’t really care. It’s just school! What harm can he do to me here? He barely talks to me, in fact… I’m avoiding him like Jin told me to! Maybe he heard about Yuri being in the hospital which is why he knew a playboy was around… When I entered the class, I caught everyone’s gaze and a surprised one from Yuri, like this was the least expected place for him to see me. So maybe that’s why he started to break into a smile when he slowly understood why I started to attend school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

As days progressed, I noticed that Yuri was attempting to talk to me more and more. I kept a wide radius away from him and tried to stay within earshot with Jin (also known as being next to him). Whatever Yuri had in mind, I didn’t care. If he was trying to make me his next target, he needed to check his sight because he clearly didn’t understand that I was avoiding him.

Each day, when I opened my locker I single white rose would fall out with a poem written on. I giggled like a fangirl because it was so sweet, but I had to control myself. He was a playboy, just playing with my heartstrings, pulling on them like a cat with a ball of yarn. But it changed all too sudden when a red rose popped out. I read online about giving a red rose. It meant that you were in love with that person. Could Yuri be…? I looked around and saw him waving, and winking. THAT’S IT! I give this charade up, I don’t care what anybody says, and I can’t deny it anymore… I guess I did end up falling for him after all… nice.

“Glad to see you got my roses.” He whispered, walking next to me to maths. We were both in the second top group. Jin was below, so basically, what I said last time about him tutoring me being a bad idea WAS RIGHT!
“They were yours? I thought it was someone else’s.”
“Oh c’mon, you clearly saw me winking at you. Look, Nicole… I’ve been doing everything I could to show you that I’m serious. I mean… I did some research! A red rose means that you love the person you give it to. Nicole, I don’t know what you used to hit me with, but it was a strong hit. I guess it started when you defended me. Please Nicole…”
“I don’t know if I can trust you…” I’m really doubtful, what if he was lying to me?
“You won’t regret it!” His attempt at persuasion is something that I have no control over.
“Okay, but can I choose where the first date is?” I was suddenly eager about something.
“So, that’s a yes?” I nodded. “WHOO! Of course you can choose!”

I decided to show him the place where we first met. The garden in the hospital. On the way there he kept wondering why we were heading to the hospital but when we reached the tree, I turned and stopped him.



“A couple years ago, you met a girl here right?”
“Yeah…?”
“Did she not reveal her name to you?”
“Nope… what’s with the twenty questions?”
“LAST ONE! Did she call herself comet?”
“Yes… how do you know?!”
I smiled, “hi my name is comet. I wish on falling angels…” and stuck my hand out. Yuri just stood there opening and closing his mouth. I waved my hand about, “Yuri? You okay?”
“Oh gosh, I feel so bad now! I’M SO SORRY TO HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU!!”
I laughed, “well, at least now you know…”
Yuri turned serious all of a sudden, “is this why you avoided me before?” When I nodded, he just silently wrapped his arms around me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ever since that night, Yuri and I became closer. I could see that he really was changing, and that my brother wrong about him. Yuri would walk with me to school, and take me home. He would either text or call me because he wanted to hear my voice, or know that I was thinking about him too. He’s been such a different person compared to what Jin described him as. Jin doesn’t know Yuri as well as I do! And from the looks of it, Yuri’s a real gentleman! Not some man that likes to check out girls every five seconds. Because from the way Jin described him, Yuri was a boy that could look at girls for days and days!

“Yuri, how did you end up falling for me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe … JUST maybe, I knew who you really were at the bottom for my heart, and somehow it just came out like that…”
I blushed, “AIYAH! You’re too corny!!”

He chuckled, and wrapped his arms around me. We were currently at my home, and Jin kept checking in on us, as we were in the living room. I swear, he could have just told us what he wanted, then the discussion would be over. And Yuri wouldn’t feel as conscious as he did! I could feel it, that he wasn’t comfortable, that he kept switching and fidgeting with his fingers. When Jin came in, the arms around me suddenly disappeared. Did the two of them have a past or something? I felt tension in the air, and could only breathe freely when Jin had left.

“I don’t think your brother likes me.” Yuri whispered into my ear.
“He thought you were a playboy. But that’s completely absurd right?”
“Err, he’s not wrong about that fact Nicole. I used to be a playboy that was before I met you though. Nicole, you completely changed me. I’m a changed man now. I’ll never go back to what I was before. I don’t like seeing pain in people’s eyes Nicole. I’m glad you got better. In fact, I never knew how it would change me. If I broke people’s hearts, it would remind me of the pain you used to suffer. I wouldn’t like anyone to have to suffer like that. So… it’s all in the past. You, Nicole, are my present and future. Okay?”
I nodded, hugging him. ‘I hope Jin was listening to that! Then he’d see how wrong he was!’

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think Yuri sort of jinxed my health even more. Just after two weeks, the unexpected happened. I had gotten worse by the day, but I just hadn’t realized it. That is until I ended up fainting on Friday. My mother was so worried that she came into school five minutes after being called – almost as if she knew she’d be needed, or kept patrol! So now, I am once again in the hospital, only this time, I am not alone. I’ve got my boyfriend, brother and mother. I haven’t been able to wake up since Friday. I’m in this coma stage…

Narrator

Jin couldn’t take it anymore, and dragged Yuri out. He was just sitting there, holding her hand and head bent low.

“YAH! This is your fault you know! Before you came into the picture, she was just fine, nothing causing her pain whatsoever. Whatever you did caused this.”
Yuri got angry that he was being blamed for everything, “look here Jin. It’s not my fault. I never did anything to Nicole to hurt her. I’ve completely changed! Just because your ex-girlfriend liked me for a bit, doesn’t mean that you should judge me so easily. I have no fault in any of this! You don’t let me explain anything. I never wanted to take away SaeRi from you. She just came to me! I didn’t mean for any of this to happen! I just- UGH! Why can’t you understand that I have no fault in this?”
Jin paused; his argument seemed invalid now… He couldn’t say anything; a sensitive topic had been brought up and explained. “Okay okay, you I need to listen to what you want to say? Okay… look, I’m sorry about that. I guess.. I just really didn’t want any of this to happen. She just got her life back. I didn’t want it to be taken away again. This sickness of her’s affects so many people! I just… don’t like seeing her suffer…”

Yuri and Jin ended their war. They started to see things from each other’s perspective and became more agreeable with each other than they did before. When they came back in, there was a smile on Nicole’s face. However, she was still sleeping, still in the comatose state that she had been in for two weeks. Yuri bit the insides of his cheeks. ‘What if it really was my fault?’ He thought. Jin saw that Yuri wanted to be alone with Nicole, so he left with his mother. Yuri walked over to the side of Nicole’s bed, and played with her fingers, which were starting to go cold.

“Nicole…? You can hear me right? I guess things aren’t always going to be happy right? There’s always some sort of problem rising between lovers. I guess this is the battle that we have to fight against to make us stronger right? C’mon Nicole, I know you can overcome this, you’re strong like that, and I know it. Please Nicole… please. Me, Jin and your mom need you so much right now…”

Suddenly loud beeps were heard, and two nurses and a doctor came in. Yuri was pushed out and the door closed, preventing family members and friends to see what was about to happen. Yuri clutched onto the door handle, hoping that he had strength to open, but he didn’t. He looked behind him, and saw the worried face of Nicole’s mom and Jin with a soft, apologetic look. Yuri was surprised, he expected Jin to be glaring at him… but things were happening today that weren’t like usual.

The door eventually opened, and the doctor solemnly stepped out, “I’m sorry to say this, but there’s no hope left. We can keep the machine on for her to breathe, but we’ve considered that there’s no hope left. You can still keep your hopes up and keep the machine on. But I’m afraid that half of her spirit has already moved on…”
Nicole’s mom started to bawl, and Yuri stared at the doctor, “are you sure there’s nothing else you could do?” Jin asked.
The doctor sighed and shook his head, “we can keep her breathing, but… just say the word if you want her to live happily in Heaven. I’m terribly sorry about this…” Head low he walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuri

It had been discussed. The machine had been turned off three weeks ago, and today was the day of Nicole’s burial. There weren’t a lot of people attending, since Nicole didn’t get time to make lots of friends. It was just her close relatives and me that attended. I closed my eyes as the coffin was lowered down. I was afraid of the tears escaping without warning. I know that Nicole wouldn’t want to see me crying, but I can’t help it. She was the girl who I grew to love for real. The prayers were said, and people started to leave. That made it official; it made it true that she had really died. I was the last one there. Her brother and mom had left and I was alone. So, is this how she felt when she was left in the hospital alone? I stared up at the clouds and could’ve sworn that I saw Nicole’s face smiling down at me. So, I guess she’s happy where she is then right?

Thank you Nicole for showing me how to love properly… I guess you’re finally with the falling angles, casting wishes for people like you and me…

--------------------------------------------

(writer's note: I'm not that familiar with Japanese artists, but I hope you liked it :])