Title: That Stupid Taemin
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/23998/that-stupid-taemin-comedy-minho-shinee-taemin-you
Reviewer: Stephie
Site requested from: http://3vanillalove3.blogspot.com
Title: 3/5
I've read a fanfic before with exactly the same title... As well, I noticed that you put a space between Taemin and '!' [That STUPID Taemin !]. There's no need for that space whatsoever. Instead it should've been, 'That STUPID Taemin!' It doesn't really grab my attention either.
Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster was well made and featured all the characters. It matches the theme and pictures are clear. The background too is well made.
Forewords: 8/15
There were some errors in your forewords:
[“Because, it’s danger okay ? living with your brother is more safe than you live alone ! and, because he miss you.”]
Instead, it should've been
"Because it's dangerous okay? Living with your brother is more safer than you living alone! And he misses you!"
As well, in your preview
[They still run run running while Me and Taemin just staring at them.]
They still run. Run while me and Taemin stared at them.
Minor errors of grammar and tenses would have made the forewords more interesting.
Plot: 6/15
Your plot is really similar to plots of many other people. They always have a girl coming back and then falling for the person she used to hate. Unless you put some unexpected twist somewhere in the middle (or maybe at the end) then maybe it won't seem as common. Girl from America going back home, to meet childhood friend is really typical...
Originality: 5/15
I've mentioned this is 'Plot' but there isn't a lot of originality here. You need more twists involved to surprise the reader, add suspense. Making your own twists may be challenging but it's what makes the story unique!
Flow: 5/5
It's alright. The story isn't going so fast. Its not completed yet so I guess it's alright :).
Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 4/10
Chapter one
[So, This morning, When I’m reading my lovely comics, Key hyung tell Onew hyung to drive us to somewhere in hurry
“Why you in hurry hyung ?” Minho hyung ask confusedly to Key hyung
“No time for answer that ! I’m late ! Come one hyung ! and taemin, You must go with us too ! Come on”]
Correction:
So, this morning when I'm reading my lovely comics, Key hyung tells Onew hyung to drive us somewhere in a hurry.
"Why are you in a hurry hyung?" Minho hyung asked Key hyung confused.
"No time to answer that! I'm late! Come on hyung! And Taemin, you must go with us! Come on!"
-----
You've made errors with remembering that nouns which are names of people/places are capitalized. As well as placing words such as 'are' 'a' and 'to' in your sentences which would mislead the reader and maybe even confuse them. You've don't this throughout the fanfic.
As well as this,
[ARE YOU REALLY MY BROTHER? O__O You sound like perverts]
Adding faces into your text isn't proper grammar. Rather it should've been: Are you really my brother?! You sound like a pervert.
You had just talked about one brother, not more than one, so the plural of pervert wasn't needed.
Characterization: 6/10
There isn't a lot of originality in your story. I've read fanfics featuring SHINee again and again. I've said this is my preview reviews, SHINee is a really popular band to use. (No offense to them, THEY'RE AWESOME) However, the thing is, some idols aren't being used in fanfics. In the AFF tags SHINee is #1. They may be popular, however some authors just use SHINee to get readers. Try using an unfamiliar band next time.
Writing style: 7/10
For me, your writing seems kind of rushed, and not well thought through. I'd like to recommend that you re-read what you type so that you won't make these kind of errors again. Sometimes a small typo could lead to a big difference. And as I've mentioned before 'O_O' isn't proper English. Besides, for me that emotion has lots of meanings: shock, scared, weirded out... etc. Try and describe things with words next time.
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
It's a really funny fanfic :). Hope you do more funny fanfics in the future, but also take on board what I said
^-^.
Total: 64/105
Extra: 5/5
I'm really sorry to have delayed the fanfic. You've got good plots in you, you just have to add little twists to make them unique.
Overall total: 69/110
Showing posts with label vanilla love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vanilla love. Show all posts
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Saturday, 7 May 2011
U Kiss Kibum and You [REVIEW]
Title: U Kiss Kibum and You
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24332/u-kiss-kibum-and-you-kibum-ukiss
Reviewer: Stephie
Site requested from: http://3vanillalove3.blogspot.com
-------------------
Title: 2/5
It doesn't really seem to grab onto the reader. Something you could've done was put a quote or something. But to be honest, it seems pretty boring. The reader may know whose in the story from it, but that should be in the tags. What you could've put might've been "How I met Kibum"? Or something like that. Something that makes the reader intrigued and interested.
Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster is fuzzy, however even so, you can still see the U-Kiss members and Kibum. The title isn't a colour that clashes with the pictures. And the single quote is something that picks up the reader's curiosity.
Forewords: 10/15
Forewords are usually an introduction to the story. What you could've done was put some quotes, describe the characters and in a way that isn't too obvious tell the plot of the story - not straightforwardly like, "this story is about love between two characters" but something like, "Unkown love for a language." maybe.
Although, what you put in your forewords was very detailed and well put :)
Plot: 15/15
Your story isn't completed yet, so I'm not sure on how the story may flow or not. The plot seems unique since how it started off by her just getting a call and how things progressed from there. You've got good twists to change it from all the other stories about a girl living with idols, slowly falling in love with one of them.
Originality: 14/15
It's an original plot because of your twists, however I had to degrade just one point because it was a common 'girl-lives-with-boy-they-fall-in-love' plot. More twists and unexpected turns would definitely make it the full 15/15. Though, since it isn't finished there may be more to come which may make me want to take back my words XD!
Flow: 2/5
I feel that it is going to fast. How she had suddenly been taken from her home to go and live with U-Kiss. If you somehow made things slightly slower, the flow would be just right. It's like she was kidnapped. Of course if that was a real life situation the first thing when you're kidnapped is to call your parents or police - but THIS IS U-KISS! So, its an understanding that she didn't want to leave ^-^.
Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 8/10
Your grammar is good, and I suppose only a few typos are what make some of your spellings wrong. Try re-reading what you've typed so that you don't get any typos which may confuse the reader.
The thing is though, for speech you use (') this. (') is only used when someone is quoting something or if someone has thoughts - occasionally people may use (*) though. The proper way of using speech would be ("). Yes, you may have to press the shift key, and it may take longer, but it is the proper way of vocabulary. You may sometimes see it in books, and I don't know why it's like that, but the proper way is (').
Characterization: 10/10
Sadly, there aren't much U-Kiss fanfictions that are common. Sure, there are ones with U-Kiss featured as cameos and such, but not a lot of them as the main characters. As well as that, you didn't stick with ~~~~ / ------ as your 'reader' you actually gave it a name. Which may be confusing so it's good that you did 'Koral'.
Writing style: 10/10
You writing style is good. It's written as if the mind of the girl was always uncaring but when there's boys around may tend to get shy. (REALLY ACCURATE! XD!) I was easily able to understand what you meant to put and didn't wonder what you meant. So FULL MARKS TO YOU!~
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Honestly, I spazzed and giggled at your stories! I'm looking forward to your updates, and thanks for requesting @ Vanilla love!
Total: 91/105
Extra: 5/5
IT'S AN AWESOME FANFIC! I love the twists, and how you put together your words. If it was a comedy fanfic, you'd be awesome at it!
Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/24332/u-kiss-kibum-and-you-kibum-ukiss
Reviewer: Stephie
Site requested from: http://3vanillalove3.blogspot.com
-------------------
Title: 2/5
It doesn't really seem to grab onto the reader. Something you could've done was put a quote or something. But to be honest, it seems pretty boring. The reader may know whose in the story from it, but that should be in the tags. What you could've put might've been "How I met Kibum"? Or something like that. Something that makes the reader intrigued and interested.
Poster/Background: 10/10
The poster is fuzzy, however even so, you can still see the U-Kiss members and Kibum. The title isn't a colour that clashes with the pictures. And the single quote is something that picks up the reader's curiosity.
Forewords: 10/15
Forewords are usually an introduction to the story. What you could've done was put some quotes, describe the characters and in a way that isn't too obvious tell the plot of the story - not straightforwardly like, "this story is about love between two characters" but something like, "Unkown love for a language." maybe.
Although, what you put in your forewords was very detailed and well put :)
Plot: 15/15
Your story isn't completed yet, so I'm not sure on how the story may flow or not. The plot seems unique since how it started off by her just getting a call and how things progressed from there. You've got good twists to change it from all the other stories about a girl living with idols, slowly falling in love with one of them.
Originality: 14/15
It's an original plot because of your twists, however I had to degrade just one point because it was a common 'girl-lives-with-boy-they-fall-in-love' plot. More twists and unexpected turns would definitely make it the full 15/15. Though, since it isn't finished there may be more to come which may make me want to take back my words XD!
Flow: 2/5
I feel that it is going to fast. How she had suddenly been taken from her home to go and live with U-Kiss. If you somehow made things slightly slower, the flow would be just right. It's like she was kidnapped. Of course if that was a real life situation the first thing when you're kidnapped is to call your parents or police - but THIS IS U-KISS! So, its an understanding that she didn't want to leave ^-^.
Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 8/10
Your grammar is good, and I suppose only a few typos are what make some of your spellings wrong. Try re-reading what you've typed so that you don't get any typos which may confuse the reader.
The thing is though, for speech you use (') this. (') is only used when someone is quoting something or if someone has thoughts - occasionally people may use (*) though. The proper way of using speech would be ("). Yes, you may have to press the shift key, and it may take longer, but it is the proper way of vocabulary. You may sometimes see it in books, and I don't know why it's like that, but the proper way is (').
Characterization: 10/10
Sadly, there aren't much U-Kiss fanfictions that are common. Sure, there are ones with U-Kiss featured as cameos and such, but not a lot of them as the main characters. As well as that, you didn't stick with ~~~~ / ------ as your 'reader' you actually gave it a name. Which may be confusing so it's good that you did 'Koral'.
Writing style: 10/10
You writing style is good. It's written as if the mind of the girl was always uncaring but when there's boys around may tend to get shy. (REALLY ACCURATE! XD!) I was easily able to understand what you meant to put and didn't wonder what you meant. So FULL MARKS TO YOU!~
Overall enjoyment: 10/10
Honestly, I spazzed and giggled at your stories! I'm looking forward to your updates, and thanks for requesting @ Vanilla love!
Total: 91/105
Extra: 5/5
IT'S AN AWESOME FANFIC! I love the twists, and how you put together your words. If it was a comedy fanfic, you'd be awesome at it!
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